


The Satyr

by Hatred000



Series: Empire Of Despair [1]
Category: DECAYS (Japanese Band), Dir en grey, the GazettE
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Child Abuse, Drug Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Sexual Abuse, Trauma, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-06 08:45:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12207795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatred000/pseuds/Hatred000
Summary: After a life of living behind a mask of normality Die decides lock himself in a psych/rehabilitation ward, but obviously trying to fight various addictions is not an easy task or not even as fulfilling as it he wish  it would be. Will Die improve for love or he will succumb to his urges?





	1. Log00

**Author's Note:**

> I am literally months trying to make this story, but there is always something in the way: depression, computer problems and so on...  
> I have a lot of drafts but i couldn't put any online because they are literally very cringy and i am too ashamed of them.  
> Also english is not my native language so it will have a lot of mistakes that i will surely correct when i discover.

Yori slowly walks around the corridors of the hospital as the old and well known scent of bleach fills her lungs. the sound of her own high heels are muffled by the echoes of someone having a mental breakdown, she coldly passes by dozens of "crazies" and some nurses until she unlocks the door of her room. after procrastinating as much as she could, she finally looks down at her schedule to see the new people to evaluate and the ones she already had an appointment for. she fixed her bottle bottom red glasses to analyze the medical records until a very interesting profile catch her attention.

Patient Data:

Name: Andou Masaru  
Gender: male  
Nationality: Japanese  
Age: 4x  
Marital Status: single/no kids  
Occupation: musician  
Health status: Inactive syphilis, light anemia, mildly underweight.

The patient entered the facility of their own volition on day xx/xx/20xx for treatment for alcohol and substance abuse, some indications of self aggression and mood instability. it is strongly advisedly to put him on suicide watch.  
He is temporally being treated with soothing, waiting for further evaluation.

The psychiatrist gave a huge grin “Why the artistic types are always so problematic?”  
This guy is going to be a fun subject.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Die goes to his first appointment and meets a strange psychiatrist, he is very reluctant in the beginning but chooses to trust her anyway since he doesn't have anything more to lose anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know the main pairing is Die/Toshiya.  
> The title of this work is a joke with the parallel of his visual in baby who wanders and the name   
> of male sexual compulsion "satyrism" This story has several inspirations like Nymphomaniac, AHS asylum, some fanfics like glasshouse from andrew in drag and a lot of stories i heard.

In a corridor full of people in their own world a tall, slender man were desperately trying to remain in the shadows “oh my god, I hope nobody recognizes me, thanks god this place is in country side” he covered his face with one of his hand while trying to hide the other with his snake tattoo “I know my career is over and Toshiya will never forgive me after what i’ve done to him” his self torturing thoughts were interrupted by the call of a nurse telling his doctor was waiting for him at her office, Die thanked her as he moved towards the place where a woman at her 50’s with short grayish hair and thick bright red glasses waited for him:  
“Good afternoon, I am Kasane Yori, you must be Andou-san, right?” the way she look at Die gave him chills somehow.  
“Yeah, I am, please be nice to me haha” Die smiled awkwardly and shake her hand before sitting on the chair in front of her desk.  
“So why are you here?” the older woman stared at him from head to toe and Die could fell as she could see beyond him what made him deeply uncomfortable.  
“Don’t worry, this is not a space of judgment, you can rely on me.” The blond man feel more released and started to talk.  
“During all my life… I have made some mistakes that hurt me and the people around” in those times he really missed his sunglasses so he at least could avoid eye contact.  
“What exactly have you done to cause you such distress?” Yori pick a pen and directed her eyes for a board and Die got actually relief she stopped staring at him.  
“I used to always do everything to people like me and ended up losing myself, drinking too much, starving myself, using drugs to be cooler on parties, also I lied and cheated a lot…” He suddenly feel like crying so he stopped talking for a while and there was a huge silence.  
Finally the psychiatrist broke the silence “Andou-san, you don’t need to hide your feelings here, I told you I won’t judge you.”  
“It is not that…” some tears escaped his eyes “My father always told me I suppose to be a strong man but I ended up here”  
“Everybody makes mistakes, admitting them is the first step to redemption.”  
“So i will tell you about everything…”


	3. Hospital Scent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being missed for 3 days Toshiya is left on a hospital door with clearly signals of rape but for some reason he is not willing to help the police to find the criminal, not only his health was poor but also his mental health deteriorated more everyday, because of the trauma.  
> After almost one year Die finally got the courage to be face to face with him again but will his forgiveness be accepted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is not in chronological order so it may be confusing, also i barely revised this chapter. my pc was shutting all the time.

Toshiya was gazing emotionless to the cables he had on his veins. his girlfriend was next to him babbling something he couldn’t hear and also didn’t really bothered to.  
Some nurse came to clean his colostomy bag and change his medications. The girl was was really scared of seeing that kind of thing so she left what let the man actually really happy “tell me if everything hurts, ok?” he signed yes and faintly smiled “you are receiving so many lovely gifts from people who say they are your fans. What are you? An actor, you are so handsome, I think my daughter has a poster of someone looked alike you” “Really, so you are a mother? Funny you look very young” Toshiya tried to change the subject “I’m 35, my little daughter has 10” “really, who takes care of her?”  
“she lives with her grandparents but I always visit her when I have time.” Suddenly the image of a little sad boy walking alone from school around the corners of Mie came to his mind and he heart ached so much that he unconsciously started to cry. The nurse asked with a very concerned “I’m sorry, is it hurting too much?” “yes, it is. Would you mind if I cry a little?” The woman looked at him with gentle eyes like she know there was something else wrong. “do you want to talk?” “I am fine, just need to be alone a little” “my name is Sawako if you need anything, you can call me” she looked at me for one last time and left.  
Then the tall man started sobbing uncontrollably alone at the room.  
“Die why did you left me?”  
At that moment Toshiya’s girlfriend came to room and when she saw him crying she came to hug him “what’s wrong baby?” the taller man threw some stuffed toy a fan gave him over her “get out here I hate you all you only like me because you think I am pretty and famous” so he started to try take away his cables and his bag.” The girl were trying to stop him but obviously she was too small and weak and couldn’t handle him and ended up on the ground.  
Toshiya started to rip his clothes off and after a while some nurses came to restrain him.

Patient Records:  
13 december 20xx: the patient identified as Hara Toshimasa(4x) was found unconscious alone next to the door of Tokyo Medical University Hospital. Apparently overdosed on alcohol and stimulants. He had bruises all over his body especially around his neck. internal bleeding especially in his intestines and colon. urinary trait infection. There is suspicion that was the case of sexual assault.  
19 august 20xx: the patient woke from comma still very morose but did not have any brain or motor skills damage.  
20 august 20xx: police came to ask hara-san questions about what happened. Firstly he said he didn’t remember.  
21 II : police came again but this time the patient got very angry and agitated to the point of needing to be restraint. Now we are prescribing him stronger doses of morphine for pain and sleep.  
First September 20xx: Some small lesions started to appear over his body mainly at his genitals. His tests for STDs got positive for Syphilis and Chlamydia.  
5 September 20xx: Hara refuses to receive visitors even from his friends and girlfriend and has extreme mood swings. His doctor and his sisters decided it is better to put him on a psychiatric facility after he gets better from his wounds.  
20 november 20xx: Hara Toshimasa got transferred to the hospital psychiatric ward.

After finally Die was authorized to accompanied by a nurse to shortly leave the facility to visit one of his “friends” on the capital. he sat by the window observing the place while the nurse drived. Tokyo was still the same even after he left but he had changed a lot. Die had cut his hair short and let it became black again. His smile now was something very rare but to be visited by his friends and family or see a cute little cat would made him smile.  
The older man panicked after realizing they were finally at Toshiya’s hospital. The place where he literally abandoned him after forcing him to indulge in hours of violent sex.  
“ There is anything wrong, Andou-san?” my accompaniment asked me.  
“I have to do this. I can’t keep hiding forever” I said to myself and get out the car.


	4. The darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His eyes were dead like a doll.  
> I couldn't see any future for any of us but darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some huge hiatus i gained a notebook so i can comeback to write this story hehe  
> I realized the pace was too fast and there were several mistakes but i decided i would correct them only afterwards .

"Are you sure you want to be left alone with him?" some concerned nurse asked me. I noddled positivetly even though i was pretty afraid.  
"If he gets violent ring the bell we gave to you" i can't deny all these warnings made fell uneasy. i don't think he could be that bad(or maybe he could?)  
'After we got in Toshiya's room, the nurse rapidly closed the door. My ex lover was strangely looking to the void and ignored me until i talk to him.  
"Hey, long time no see" i awkwardaly tried to start a conversation "my father was talking to me...told me i deserved everything i got..." the taller spoke emotionless. It was actually an auditory illusion.  
"Don't say such a thing, it was my fault, i made you do terrible things and treated you like shit"   
"It's ok you can treat me whatever the way you want because i love you and you love me as well... Right?" all that desperation in his words especially when he asked me if i loved him.  
"You are a really good friend to m..." he interrupt me "do you love me too, right?" this words sounded angry.  
There was a huge silence an i looked at the other side. finally the silence was broke by a scream of despair so painful, he looked at me started to shout things i couldn't understand. I was feeling terrified so i could not move "i am sorry, i am sorry, i am... i love you too" he finally stopped and i thought the things got better but suddenly he pushed himself over me. " Please, totchi, i am not i the mood to do this" he just ignored me while trying to unzip my pants. i remembered about the be bellbutton they gave to me in a case of emergency but if i press it Toshiya would be put in more problems so i just stopped fighting.  
The way he entered me was quite rough but not as much as i would do to him and i started to feel a little aroused. luckily the rape didn't take long and he stopped after 3 to 5 minutes and hugged me. I could the tears soaking my cloathes, poor boy, he probably just wanted to be intimate with me again.  
Sorry for making you like this, i swear i am gonna to fix you and myself.


End file.
